New me

So it's been an AMAZING year!
I've had a lot of up and downs
I've learnt a lot and all that I've learnt has made me a better person
I'm greatful for everything and everyone in my life.
I thank this blog for being there and showing me that its not just me going through these things
I'm happy with all the choices I've made
I'm a better person

New Years Resolution's
1. going to the gym
2. find my worth
3. get an A
4. pray more often
5. go on a trip

Love him

I really tried

I tried to get over him and move on

To be happy without him and love someone else more than i loved him.

But i could not do it.

I love him 

He does something to me i can't explain.

I love him

When I'm with him the butterflies are indescribable

I love him

He drives me insane and makes me so angry but

I love him

Even though i have shed many tears and sleepless night

I love him

He gets me, knows how to make me smile, knows how to love me

I love him

Whenever i'm with him, the world stands still everything bad goes away and im just with him

I love him

"He got this look i can't discribe

He make me feel like I'm alive

When everything else is a fade  

Without a doubt you're on my side"

I love him

I might be making a mistake and might get hurt more than i did before but

I love him

He might cheat and lie, tell me what i want to hear but

I love him

                                                                                                                                                   Sizwe

 

im actually a happy person lol

laughed for 30mins

campus and its craziness

lovely sister

the girls

i heart you

My heart

faith

This pic gives me faith

Unawsered question

why can't i forget you?

what keeps me holding on and hoping?

when all you've done is disappoint me and made be cry?

what if you change?

what if you realise you cant live without me?

what if i made a mistake and gave up on you?

why does it hurt s bad?

when will i forget you?

when will i be happy with someone else and not think bout you?

why wasn't i 'THE ONE'?

why wasn't i good enough?

what could i have done to make you love me?

why can't i hate you?

who are you with now?

who have you ever truly loved?

why wasn't it me?

why are you still in my head...my heart?

when will i stop crying?

why wasn't i good enough?

why didn't you love me?

what can i do?

why don't you care at all?

when will i be happy...without you?

gravity

"Gravity"

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

so last night

 So last night... crying because of him. Gosh i miss you

Why can't i let go

 I don't get it, why do i love someone so much and they don't even care if i'm smiling or crying. i miss him so much and i would do anything to have him back except actually be with him. he hurt me so badly and i would put it all away if only he tried and showed me how much he loves me. i just want him to promise me the world even if i know he will never give it to me but at least he shows he cares.

i'm so sick of crying myself to sleep, i shouldn't be thinking bout him, he shouldn't be effecting me like this. i just want to be happy...with him. i dream of that Blair and Chuck love that no matter what they go through he loves her and would give anything to see her happy. i know its T.V and no guy or relationship in the world like theirs is good in anyway coz i truly believe he shouldn't hurt you to realise how much he needs you.

my whole body hurt:( i don't want to cry anymore. i miss him, i miss the way he looks at me and the way he laughs, the way he got embarrassed when i look at him straight in the eyes, the why he said my name, the sound of his voice, his touch and that feeling of nothing nothing else matters when i'm with him. i need you in my life i need to feel that joy again and smile, truly smile and not compare every guy i know with you. i need you so badly it hurts. why can't you need me like that. but tomorrow i'll carry on with my day like i never wrote this and like you never were apart of my life

frank

Frank Ocean, absolutely love him!! His music is amazing and just touches that place in my heart. Love this guy and i wish him all the luck and success in the world :):)

ME!!!!

motto

Motto to live by cause at the end people will let you down and will hurt you but you just have to be strong and love yourself, words i try tell myself but sometimes it's just toO hard...

Yenzi*

LOVE THIS GIRL. one of those people i'll never forget and made a big difference in my life

love is blind

 The worst time in my live that made me realise how much love is overreacted and people are asking for something they don't understand. I fall in love with Sizwe, I've been looking for love for so long, that one person that takes all the pain away and makes you feel worth it. So i thought i had found it, but thats not how it is, love was that fear of yourself, of being alone and finding who you are, so you rely on someone else to do that which makes you lose yourself and who you are. I've seen my friends who have been "in love" and they've been through too much pain, heartache, crying yourself to sleep and we all thought its part of being in love. But i realised it's NOT, we shouldn't put up with being second best, with all the pain and tears and feeling so low you don't want to breathe. I'm not going to lie, i loved the happy parts and the excitement and that feeling that everything is going to be okey, that feeling of being loved. But i lost myself, all  my morals and how i view the world, what i believe and what's true or a lie. Love is truly blind. But i wouldn't want to feel like that again. Sizwe hurt me to my soul, he took such a big part of me and didn't even care. I know how special i am now and i'll never let anyone take that away from me. But what hurts the most, that i still love him and care so much and just wish that he loved me the way i love him.

YEAH B*** lol

How i feel bout how i should be for the rest of this year or people will take advantage and you'll become their toy. I'm a sweet girl and hate disappointing people and making them feel like crap but there has to be a line, no more keeping quite and hoping for the best. FUCK YOU ONCE AND FUCK YOU TWICE

worst feeling

NOTHING hurts more than that. It makes you question whats wrong with you and why he just left and didn't care and why he doesn't miss you, like you were nothing and that you are nothing. I will never let a guy make me feel like that ever again. i will keep my distant and delete him out of my life, no questions asked. Sihle did that and made me feel like crap, Sizwe did that but that was worse cause it hurt my whole body and soul and it was just different

Sanele*

I've got this one guy, who really care sbout me and knows me more than i actually know myself. The things he says, he's so intelligent and has this mind that so different he is realistic but everyone has a weakness and his is girls. He brings out the best in me and makes me want to do more with myself and my life. he has this unbelievable ambition with so much to say and half the time he is so right, b ut sometimes he can be naive but not in the "normal" naive way, but he thinks he has everything figured out when he doesn't and there is so much more out there. Firstly he is rich, goes to s good school, and has never had a job so maybe it can be all month but no action. The way he has girls and guys figured out is amazing but than he falls toO fast and think there is "soul mates" out there!! Linking to the naivety i was talking bout, the world of today there is no such thing and you just have to pray to find someone that won't hurt you. Well he really likes me and i do like him i do but i know i'll hurt him, coz i wont give him my whole heart and i'm too messed up for his heart. so i'm trying so hard to just move away from him and show him i'm not good enough but knowing him he will wait and think 'one day'... i wish him all the happeness in the world and to find a great honest girl that will amke him better than ever, i'm just not her but i honestly hope i sort myself out and am lucky enough to find some remotely close to him.

bESTFRIENDS

That's my Best Friend Amanda:):) i love her to bits toO much in fact. i love how we fight, have our differences and sometimes she just gets to me sOo much, but i love her and she is the only person i truly trust will never hurt me. And loves me for who i am. We meet in grade 10 when we were both new to Danville and she was automatically loved by everyone when i wasn't like always but she stuck by me, well it was like that, but she realised how much she loves a friend like me and i realised how much i love her, from there we were Best Friends, we didnt hang out all the time but we trysted each other and loved each other. But now in Howard a day without talking to her feels so wrong, we have grown and so has our friendship. We've talked bout our friendship and we understand each other, everyone knows how much we love each other and i do love her.

i delicate this to my one TRUE friend AMANDA ZULU

5th of July

You know that feeling like you're alone and no one actually really cares and they are all just being "nice" well i feel like that all the time expect this year on the 5th of July!! Never have i ever felt so loved and that people really do care and love me. The calls i got and messages made my day:) and i saw how "special" i am to some people. i loved this year. i feel like a new person with great people around me. #HAPPY FOR DAYS# oh Sihle and Sizwe didn't say anything showing they not right for me and i don't need them in my life!

SoOoOoo went out with the girls!! Insane night!! Drama!! but FUN! I realized last night how much i love to dace even though i can't lol. but omg that was to0 good!! Drinking Vodka with Red Bull BEAUTIFUL! i didn't even get drunk or tipsy but had that energy that was unbelieve. I've realized i shouldn't look for someone to be the live of the party WITH but to BE the live of the party. i just wanted to dance and have fun. I was so bummed my BESTFRIEND couldn't come but there is always a next time and we are going to live it up!!  I love her so much and it was her birthday yesterday and couldn't even go out, her Gran is a bitch!! so i got transport home thank God!! by my friend Nandi's cousin who was so nice and cute #wink wink# lol but yeah good night. Saw Sihle and we didn't even talk to him WHATEVER lol. he didn't even wish me a happy birthday, like really!! lol he's a guy i should always expect the worst. Well good night with the girls

Goodbye goodbye

So yeah ey. i thought you were different. You were honest but also in a sneaky way. you made me smile, laugh and you just took my breath away. im not going to lie, im not going to say i was in love with you but i was, i was falling and hard than you showed your true colours. and you showed me in the cruelest way by carrying on being honest even though i was hurting. i'll never forget you and honestly i still want you part of my life. but not in the way you want i'll never forget what you did and what you've said so no matter what you say it wont be the same

My guy friend

Honestly have to say  I love u... i love u when u drive me crazy, never giving up on an argument ...i love your sad face/voice coz whatever is bringing you down is making you stronger and so beautiful... i love your face,your eyes and your smile-they make me think of warmth, comfort, understanding and love..i love you for putting up with people's shit...i love the way u handle being there for someone when they need you and the way you always know...anyone lucky enough to meet you has been blessed becoz you might not mean much to some people but u definitely mean everything to me...truth is, i believe that something deep inside me told me when we first met or shall i say started talking on mxit, that you were important or that you’re going to be...you are important to me and i don’t think i could handle losing you as a friend or anything else because really and truly u make everything better in some situations if u weren’t there, i don’t know what i would do without you...and i just really wish more than anything that you felt the same way...

                                                                                                                                              LWAZI

EFFY from Skins. BEAUTIFUL DISASTER

"It's not so easy loving me, it get so complicated all the things you gotta be, everything changes but you're the truth, im amazed by all your patience everything i put you through. And when i'm about to FALL some how you always waiting with open arms to catch me, YOU ALWAYS SAVE ME FROM MYSELF"